{PERSONAL JOURNEY DAY 3: Going the wrong way.}

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I realized that drinking doesn't make me feel so great — and yet, the impulse of instant gratification tugs at me, as well as simply social acceptance...

I've already begun to shift my diet towards more of a vegan lifestyle: while my conscience prefers this, my taste buds don't always, and the entire reason I'm doing it is because my joints have started swelling. My mother suffers from rheumatoid arthritis and now, at the age of 39, I find myself battling the first signs of it, too.

Could it be universal luck that my husband suffers from ankylosing spondilitis, so that when he was 17, he began to feel arthritis so badly in his hips, he could no longer walk? The doctors told him he'd have to get hip replacement surgery and that he might never walk again, but he was defiant. 

"I'm only 17!" he thought, and so he went on an educational spree of finding out what could help "heal" his body. 

Changing his diet was the only way. He began to free himself of gluten, dairy, caffeine, sugar, and alcohol.

He did indeed cure himself and hasn't had a bout of bad arthritis attacks like he did when he was young since then (he's now 38). So, I'm taking a page out of his book, and since he's the dominant chef in our household, it's really quite easy to follow along.

So, for that, I am grateful.

**

I tried meditating when I woke up this morning and just felt SO FAR from Spirit. I couldn't do it, so I left my bedroom to see my adorable daughter in her onesie pajama, face completely rose-cheeked from the allergic reaction she's had to penicillin. We waited for my husband's aunt and uncle to wake, grateful they're visiting for Thanksgiving.

Then, my husband and I talked about our day's schedule, how we'd split childcare, so that I could work and so could he. We had a tough conversation last night about finances, and while we both have faith that everything is working out, it still makes my heart sink into my stomach to feel that there's a place we KNOW we both can and WILL get to, we're just not quite there yet.

It'll make a damn good story, I think to myself and it's something we even say to each other now and again.

As I prep for my shower, I check my email very quickly and marvel... yesterday, I wanted to give up. I said to the Universe, "I know you have big plans for me, so please show me the way." It's the mantra I say every morning I wake up.

Then, today, I get an unexpected payment from a fellow female entrepreneur who I had supported during a complimentary call. I shared with her an array of resources and she said that while she didn't have the money to work with me quite yet, she wanted to.

I told her, "How about this. I'll give you access to these different courses I've created and when you're ready, here's my PayPal link and you can donate whatever you can and whatever you feel is fair!"

It's been a month and today, she honored that energetic exchange. 

The selling process for a lot of entrepreneurs is hard — the actual "asking" for the "Yes" from the right clients. 

I put it out there yesterday to an ideal client I've worked with before, because I KNOW I can help her achieve her dreams and today, she sweetly called me "Boss" and said "Yes," and she'll know more about her finances after Thanksgiving, so we'll touch base again then.

When talking to a fellow coach yesterday on a support call, this gorgeous soul from England told me that it's not about whether a person necessarily has the means right then and there — it's about their mindset and their willingness to invest in themselves. THAT makes all the difference. Whoever you're targeting, when you think about it, when anyone really wants something, they'll make that happen...

And, it's only 9am, so there's more manifesting of this day to come... 

**

My feeling of abundance come from two meetings I had: 

  • One with a man who interviewed me on a podcast. I'm usually the interviewer, so when I meet someone who asks me pointed and smart questions, I'm impressed — and that's what he did. He asked the hard questions, encouraged me to keep on talking when I wanted to stop and censor myself, and got me to realizing that I can't fool myself about dreams I want to have. Mostly, he helped me see what my mindset block is in becoming big... and I've been asking the Universe about this. 
    • What's holding me back from great success? I've been wanting to know. I have the tools, the education, the strategies, and even the support, so what is it? It's the fact that I'm still so guarded, still so afraid that someone will truly need me, when I feel like I need love to start with.
    • Childhood wounds can be hard to heal, but what I saw in this conversation is how love is everywhere... and that is a mantra I will come back to: I am loved. Love is everywhere. I am okay.
       
  • The second meeting I had was with a woman the man above actually encouraged me to connect with. I did, and we had an epic conversation... this woman who's a published author with Hay House and who's ready to share about me to her 10,000+ list and growing Facebook group.
    • She expressed how she got burned with her last branding expert and I asked her the question in genuine desire that so many coaches have taught is essential, "How can I be of service to you? How can I help you?"
    • She was surprised, taken aback, didn't know what to say. "No one ever asks me that," she said, "So... I'm not really sure what to say." I knew that I could help her with her brand story, and that's precisely what I aim to do.

When it comes to the scarcity mentality, I can see how I've had it even when networking: my underlying motive was, "How can this person serve me?" rather than, "How can I truly help this person?"

I believe that you can't ask the latter from a genuine place unless you truly feel like you're coming from a place of abundance, and yesterday, I felt for the first time ever, that I was saying it true.

How do you show up to be of service? Are there other expectations or motives on your part?