{PERSONAL JOURNEY WEEK 3} I felt a pop to open up and connect.

Lonely Blog Judy Tsuei

Over the past day, my husband and I have been in an argument, quarreling over past issues that haven't been resolved — we called our couples' coach, The Alchemy of We, to come over today, and our session ended up abruptly with my husband needing to go off to a meeting.

I then burst out crying and in the aftermath of this, had to go meet with two clients, which turned out to be wonderful.

I'm learning now, as I coach my clients, to know what's mine. To call my Spirit back. To return what's not mine to who that energy belongs to.

In doing so, I realized that I'm lonely.

I feel lonely.

I've felt lonely my entire life, because as so many people have pointed out for so long, I'm not truly letting the connection in.

Not the connection.

The affirmation.

The validation.

Nothing except what feels safe to me, which as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is hard from a childhood filled with trauma.

But just now, in meditation, I felt a pop.

I felt the pop of opening.

As the holidays come up and we're heading into a cruise with my family of origin, and I'd like to manifest that my husband is loving towards me, though I can't control others, then I feel like it's time for me to open up deeper to allow in all the truly good energy and connections I have in order for me to prepared for the week ahead.

To be healthy.

To be in self-care.

To be holding myself in a sacred space.

I feel excited about this, about seeking where this connection will be coming from, especially as I open up to my own daughter who, admittedly, I've loved, but perhaps from afar, since my postpartum depression and relationship with my own mother have set me on defense.

I'm looking forward to letting the love in.

What are your tips for connection?