{PERSONAL JOURNEY WEEK 5} Mele Kalikimaka and more...

Jad Limcaco Unsplash

It's Christmas. 

I hope that you have a merry one.

And, if you're not, then know that you're not alone.

Recently, at an event near the lake here in Austin, a friend of mine said that he hates Christmas — it's the worst time of year for him, even though at one time, it used to be his best when he was still with his ex-wife and still had full custody of his daughter.

I know that pain. 

I know it all too well.

I know what it's like to feel so unbelievably lonesome during the holidays that your heart is aching with the weight of disappointments, so murky and unyielding, you can't breathe.

Thankfully, this holidays, I spent it with my family of origin and the family I've created in the warmth of Miami and the Bahamas on a Disney Cruise. Even with the holiday music playing in the background, I was able to remove myself from the heaviness that these most every holiday and birthday have for me, to the point that I've now decided: 

I'm making my own damn traditions in 2018 and onward.

But this time, I was glad for my family being around, so that Wilder could play with her aunts & uncles, who she doesn't often get to see, as I figured out how to navigate forgiveness and releasing resentment toward my husband. What's more, during one sunset on Deck 4, my sister and I looked out onto the open water and had an honest conversation of what marriage has been like.

Abraham Hicks says that we need to appreciate ALL the contrasts, especially the really hard ones, because they're the ones that are allowing us to jump into the vortex, so that we can identify clearly what we truly want.

Abraham Hicks meditations have saved me these past couple of months, and especially, this last week. I listen to two a day, more if I can, then journal and own my shit and show up as best as I possibly can.

This meditation really helped me today, especially the part where I realized that being mad at myself for making mistakes and being in the growing process is so futile. This is the whole point of us being here as Creators.

I also like Abraham Hicks' approach to forgiveness and that truly, it's about focusing on what's working, what you do want, rather than continually keeping alive the injustices, because it's actually those offenses that brought you (and me) closer into the vortex.

Up until now (a key phrase when it comes to changing past behaviors and no longer bringing them into the present), I've had a romanticized notion attached to writing and angst, sharing heartache and learning the hard way.

I'm excited that's stopping — I'm excited that I can acquire wisdom with grace and ease, rather than pain and struggle.

I've learned it hard. I've been patient forever for my good life to come.

It's time to do things differently.

How are you preparing to show up differently in 2018?