How my Tiger Mother came to soothe my soul in Taiwan.
I haven't written the past couple of weeks, because I've been processing through a few new developments in the dissolution of my marriage that have required me to stay focused on the life I want to lead — and the person I want to be.
What's become readily apparent is how much God (a.k.a. Source, Universe, Divine, however you define Spirit) loves me...
Because I had no idea that in the breakdown of my marriage, my mother would be coming to visit Taiwan to see a relative in the process of getting treatment for cancer.
She'd make the trek up the mountains to me...
So she could sit on the comfy chair in the bedroom of the house I'm still sharing with my future ex-husband to listen to me...
To believe in me...
To love on me...
To nurture me forward...
My mother and I have had a history of being at odds with one another. I'm so much like my father, I probably triggered her incessantly throughout my growing up. And, the fact that she raised us like a Tiger Mother didn't foster any sort of real open communication.
But, here she was, sharing her faith in God.
And, her faith in me.
She was now believing in me without judgment.
"You know my mother married twice, because my father was killed by the Communist army," she told me in Mandarin. "And her mother before her also married twice, a circumstance of the times. I wanted to break the curse. That's why I refused to get divorced."
But here I was, her daughter, doing the very thing she has thus far successfully not done, despite the heartache and damages she's endured.
To this, she said, "Get divorced. It's a good thing."
She also talked about how finding her path towards God gave her the solace she needed that no man or human ever could. "God is my Father," she said. "And, because I didn't have a father – even though my step-father was good to me –" and at this she started to tear up, "it feels so good to have that faith in my life."
On the day before she was scheduled to fly back to the U.S., she suggested that we meet for a meal while Wilder was at school.
I took the red line the Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall stop, then spotted her, and she navigated the way to a local indoor market filled with stalls of local meats, dumplings, buns, and vegetables, so that she could supply me with nourishment for easy meals throughout the next couple of days after she left.
Then, we walked to a nearby restaurant, her hobbling slowly beside me because of her arthritis.
"You don't know how good things are working out for you right now," she said after we ordered, echoing her words to me over the phone a couple of days before, when I shared with her the latest updates I was experiencing — ones that on the surface were brimming with the potential for hurt. "This is all working out in your favor. Stay focused on what's best for you and Wilder. You can be happy no matter what."
After she left, I took the subway back to Wilder's school, to wait for her to return from a field trip, so that I could pick her up early for the holiday party that her father's school was throwing. I was scheduled to have a marketing meeting with the owner of the school too, and I texted that I was running late because Wilder wasn't back yet.
By the time we arrived, it looked like they had already gotten started, but instead, they happily waited an hour for us to get there, before they officially kicked off the event.
Later, after the students showcased the movie they made, and we put on A Very Charlie Brown Christmas in the background, I sat with the owner of the school and two other Taiwanese mothers, talking about marketing, about the potential new family who had come to the event, about life.
Partway through, I saw it.
I saw how the magic of being loved on by God.
Because it felt SO good to be with these three other women. All mothers. All Taiwanese. All with as great of a grasp of English as I had of Mandarin, so we could converse in two languages. We were all working towards a shared goal of what would be best for the school, for the students, for this New Taipei City we now inhabit.
They were continuing to amplify the loving energy my mother had brought with her visit, so I could see that I'm absolutely not alone.
Not anywhere I've gone.
And that goes for you, too.
You're not alone.
Whatever you're going through, there are forces in the Universe all aiming lovingkindness energy directly at you. Only for you. All for you.
Let it in.
Who's in your inner circle of Light?
One of the best things that I've been doing to reframe what's unfolding for me in this major transition in my life is to surround myself by an inner circle of friends who hold light, wisdom, and most importantly...
A view of myself that I can't quite see at the moment.
If you are going through an exceptionally challenging time in your life right now, you MUST surround yourself with at least two people who can hold space for your brilliant future, who are advocating for you, who are reminding you of what you are capable of and what you've already done, because when you're in it...
You can really fucking be IN IT to the point that you lose sight of what's actually true.
Remember, there is MUCH more happening than your five senses are perceiving.
If you want more of this quantum reality, go read Joe Dispenza's, Becoming Supernatural.
Or, if you want to remind yourself that we're all part of a common humanity, go read Anne Lammot's, Hallelujah Anyway: Rediscovering Mercy.
And, listen to this Abraham Hicks meditation to remind you of how the Universe is specifically loving on YOU.
Thanks to the love, guidance, and even straightforward nature of a handful of people in my life right now, I'm able to keep my head and heart aligned to the life I want, rather than fall subject to the circumstances that have shown up thus far.
Go out, right now. Advocate for your best life. Here's how:
Set up a group text.
Or, add at least two of your selected friends to Voxer, so you can share voice memos.
Get spiritual reminders you can read every day, or if you're like me, every moment when you start to fall into doubt or can't sleep.
More than anything else, it's about mindset and the energy you're holding in your heart. This will make the quickest and most graceful transition to the next phase of your greatest evolution.
And, as I'm reminding myself too, EVERYTHING is working out for you.