That time I believed in the false guru.
I haven't ever told this story in full before...
Before I moved to Kauai, I was working with this guy I had a thing for.
"Working with" is a weird term, because I wasn't getting paid...
He was British. Fairly good looking. And I convinced myself to believe what he was touting: that he was an up-and-coming guru ready to change the world.
I wanted to believe his story...
I wanted to do something meaningful with my life and in the world.
I wanted to feel powerful or at least be around powerful people.
I wanted to believe that because he was the next big thing, I could be the next big thing too, just in the shadows, since I couldn't yet own it myself.
Then... things started going wonky.
All kinds of lines started being crossed, from intimate behaviors to manipulating emotions.
I began to wonder if he was actually completely crazy.
Something within told me that I needed to get out of this situation.
So, I invited him to meet with my craniosacral healer, an incredibly intuitive man I had known for years. I wanted to "test" to see if this "guru" I met actually had any gifts whatsoever.
Gary, my cranio guy, acknowledged this man was powerful. I had the foresight to schedule a follow-up appointment, just me and Gary, a few days later, and when I walked into his treatment room, he looked at me and said:
"Judy, what are you doing?"
"That guy is powerful, no doubt. He figured out things about me that I've never told anyone else. But... he's dark," Gary observed. "He's not doing it for the right reasons. What are you doing with him?"
I knew he was right. I already knew it within my own Soul, but I didn't want to believe that I was so gullible or naive or simply that desperate.
"I've watched you date several guys now. It's time for you to step into your own power," he told me. "And also, you should RUN from this man."
With that permission, I did just that. When I told the "guru" that I no longer wanted to work with him, he said he was gutted. He began to show up at my apartment unexpectedly.
I did not feel safe.
I decided I needed a break and posted on FB about where I could take a trip to by myself.
My friend, Shelby, offered her home in Maui. It was Monday. By Wednesday, I was on a flight to Hawaii.
That trip would prove to be the catalyst I needed, so that I could finally do the thing I had wanted to do for almost a decade: move to my dream location in the world.
Three weeks upon returning from that trip, I sold everything, packed up two bags, and moved to Kauai, where six months later, I would meet my husband and less than a month after that, we would choose to conceive our daughter.
Sometimes, what seems like the worst thing in your life needs to happen for you to listen.
Sometimes, the Universe gives you hints and nudges, but you don't want to pay attention, because the suffering or the ignorance is familiar and comfortably uncomfortable.
Sometimes, you have to hit bottom and burn, before you can rise up.
There are other times when people can help you. When they can point you in the right direction. When they can help you catch yourself before you dive off into the abyss.
What's the Universe telling you right now?
Is it shouting?
Is it nudging?