Your mess IS your motherfu@#$ message!
I spoke with the owner of a social media strategy firm in Austin, Texas who, after our call, said simply, "You've just been in a cocoon for awhile. It's time to come out."
I'm still hesitant.
Still holding onto a past that no longer exists, because what I know is deceptively more familiar that what I don't — so it's easier to default into the safer route, even though it no longer serves me.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Last night, I said to my husband, "I miss the woman I was before I got pregnant. My brain chemistry got all fucked up from how sick I was, the peri-partum, and the post-partum depression, that sometimes, I'm scared I'll never be that woman again."
The woman he fell in love with was at the pinnacle of her life — I had NEVER felt that good, because suddenly, I was reaping the rewards of all the hard work I had done to heal and to thrive so many challenges in my childhood, teens, and 20s.
I was confident like I had never been with myself.
I was in love with everything about me.
I was having FUN rather than worrying, stressing, or caring about what other people thought.
And then, two weeks after we met, we chose to bring Wilder into the world, and everything changed.
I now see that I've been fighting this truth:
I WON'T EVER BE THAT WOMAN AGAIN.
That woman, that identity, gave way to the person I am now.
There is grief in her death that I haven't been able to process, because I felt like I only got to be here for a couple of months before I met my Great Love in all the magic on Kauai.
This person now, I have to get to know her. I have to learn to love her. I have to learn how to thrive with her given that she's now a mother, responsible for a whole other life, and still on pursuit of the purpose of her own.
But here's what I know: the more I look to my past, the more I stay in that cocoon.
The more I'm afraid to show up boldly and beautifully as a woman with new gifts, new offerings, new Spirit to share.
And, so I do the hard thing...
I train my mind to focus on the reality I want to create.
I learn how to BE with ALL OF ME in a new way.
I process through the heartbreak and heartache to really release everything I've been holding onto for dear life, because the end has come, and a new beginning is waiting to dawn.
THIS is when I lean harder into my sense of the Divine, rather than thinking I can "head" my way out of it with this "how" or that "how."
This is when I love myself like never before and from there, I discover and uncover how worthy I truly am for every goodness in life.
This is when I keep showing up... and showing up is bringing beautiful results...
I just woke up this morning to a Google Alert that I was featured in three places!
Focus Taiwan News Channel
It's helping me to get out of my cocoon and to show up boldly as the woman I am embracing myself to be.
If you want results like this too, tune in to my #MondayMasterclass.
My mentor reminded me today that "my mess is my message", so you'll hear what's vulnerably going on for me and how in showing up as fully me that I'm allowing the most abundance to flow through.
Also, if you've ever wanted to write your book, be sure to check out my upcoming elite mastermind.