How my 4-year-old daughter talks herself up.

Wilder Love

February 7, 2019

How a four-year-old talks herself up!

Aloha, Wild Heart,

Yesterday, at the end of a fairly emotional day with delayed flights, I found myself in the airport lobby with my Madewell scarf wrapped around my head — crying and sniffling beneath it.

My daughter had a fever. And I had a flight to catch.

She and I have been on a visa run this past week (every three months, we’re required to leave Taiwan, as we were only able to secure tourism visas in moving here) and these visa runs have become opportunities to show my daughter parts of the world I wasn’t expecting to.

Like, the Philippines.

Just two months ago, I brought my daughter to Palawan in the Philippines to finally find the strength to cement the next steps of my divorce. My best friend had offered her home and her resort to us, to stay as long as we needed to figure out best next steps.

It was a rocky month. Filled with fear. Anxiety. Panic.

It was also a beautiful month, where Wilder – an only child – got to experience what it’s like to be the youngest of three kids, as she and my friend’s two kids instantly bonded beautifully. In fact, knowing that we were about to return, my friend’s son wrote on his calendar, “Judy’s coming today!” and raced to the gates to open the doors when we arrived late into the night.

Wilder got to frolic on white sand beaches lapped by cerulean blue waters. She got to to be back in the warm tropics similar to Hawaii where she was born.

And I?

I got to talk through things with adults who could see me now, who knew me in the past, and who could champion my future when I literally couldn’t see past the night.

This time around, I could see how far I’d come in the two months since we’d been here…

I’d set up and maintained healthier boundaries.

I’d found my financial footing again.

I’d re-discovered my voice and how to use it in a much more emphatic way.

I’d also deepened the bond between my daughter and myself, so that our nights were spent cuddling up together closely, especially since she caught the flu, and even though I’d miss her in the 10 days that we’d be separated as I returned to Taiwan and she stayed in the Philippines with her father for the rest of his teaching vacation, that this was all practice for a better life ahead — for all of us.

So, while during my long layover in Manila with the scarf over my head, I was tempted to buy a ticket back to Palawan, but my friend texted me to to remind me that this is what we’d have to practice from now on.

All of us.

That in divorce, Wilder, her father, and I would be learning how to split time and how to be okay if we couldn’t have everything – or everyone – we wanted right then and there.

My friend then reminded me something I had forgotten:

“You can send her your love. You can send her your healing energy. She can feel that anytime from anywhere.”

That’s right.

Whether it’s in building a tribe of social support, in lifting her up energetically, or in physically being there for her, there are so many ways that we can learn how to thrive… even in the hardest of moments.

What are you struggling with right now in your life or business? How can I help? Write me back and let me know.


P.S. Click on the button below for an exclusive audio in a sweet conversation I had with my daughter recently, where I’m teaching her how to stand up for herself and love herself completely!


Over the next 10 days while my daughter is in the Philippines with her father, I’m taking this time to create the foundation and framework for my business in prep for our move back to San Diego.

There are several key areas in which I’ll be featuring content, all close to my heart and rooted in the power of the stories you tell yourself, the world, and your children.

Because I know I can’t be with my daughter 24/7 to protect her from life’s experience, what I CAN do is to give her the words to stand up for herself and her needs — as the author of your life, sometimes what you need most are the wording prompts to get you going.

Listen to this adorable snippet from a beautiful moment between myself and my daughter when I was coaching her on what to say when she needs to speak up.